A friend of mine once asked me, “why would you ever want to bring a child into this world right now?”

It’s no secret that things are a mess. It’s a legitimate question for those of us who aren’t living in a bubble. From the environmental disaster we are digging ourselves into, to the refugee crisis, to the terrorism in Charlottesville and Barcelona… it’s a very legitimate question.

“Because I’m committed to being part of the solution and raising a child who is also part of the solution.”

Conscious Parenting as Activism in the Home

For me, conscious motherhood isn’t just about me and my family – it is a form of activism.  It’s about questioning what has been, seeing what is, and consciously choosing what will be.

It’s a stand against fear-based shaming, guilting, manipulation, separation, and perpetuating patterns of “power over” in our home, our communities, and in the world. What we see happening right now is a symptom of deep underlying issues that have been around for a long time and are calling us into a new way of being. Shaking us awake. Like a toddler throwing a tantrum, demanding our attention.

To the best of my ability I aim to lead and to mother from a place of fierce love and compassion because I know that our children are wise, highly sensitive beings that are watching, learning, and following our lead. If they feel separated, rejected, manipulated, judged, overpowered, resented, or unworthy of love at home then how can we expect them to value, respect, and accept others outside of the home?

I’m far from perfect and forever growing on this motherhood journey – and some days it’s hard – but I keep on because this is how change and evolution happens in the present and across generations. As someone who is very privileged, playing an active role in creating this change is my responsibility.

Not because of guilt or shame – because of love and respect for humanity. And because it is time.

12 Ways to Raise a Diversity-Conscious Child

Lately I’ve been having conversations with other parents specifically about how we can raise more compassionate and diversity-conscious children. Conscious parenting, for the reasons I mention above, is one way. And, there is much more we can do.

If you’re feeling paralyzed by what is going on in the world and not sure how your family can be part of the solution, here are 12 more ideas:

Talk to your children about how we are all “same same, but different too” and that diversity is something to be celebrated.

Apply a “diversity” filter and a “does this reinforce crappy societal norms?” filter when choosing books, toys, tv, and other media that your children will consume. Are they in alignment with the values and messages you want them to internalize? If needed, be an advocate at your child’s school.

Seek out ways to expose your children to diversity and role-model positive interactions with a diverse group of people. Give everyone you interact with the experience of being seen and respected, including those in marginalized groups.

If you haven’t yet spoken to your children about uncomfortable topics like privilege, race, gender inequality, homophobia, xenophobia, religious discrimination and other equity issues… start and share truth in an age appropriate way. If you want ideas for how to do this ask Google “how to talk to children about _______.”

If you feel paralyzed, triggered, or defensive around any of the topics listed above, begin by educating yourself. Again, Google is a good starting point to find helpful resources – take initiative, ask questions, and be open to new perspectives that may differ from those around you. I also suggest asking Google “how to be an ally” while you’re at it.

Let your children know that they have the power to make the choice to be loving and accepting of others, and that there are many other people (yourself included) who are choosing to do this too. Explain why choosing acceptance, inclusion, and unity makes the world a better place.

Have a conversation with your children about how it feels when others judge them, and how it must feel for others when they are judged.

Talk to your children about the importance of being brave and speaking up when they feel disrespected, and doing the same when others around them are being disrespected. Help them come up with ideas of what they can say in different situations.

When you witness stigma, discrimination, or lack of fairness – talk about it openly.

Look inward and explore what judgments you make and what separation you create with others. Also, explore what judgments you make and what separation you create with yourself. Ask yourself what you can do to replace this judgment and separation with compassion.

Develop your family’s level of emotional intelligence by exploring a wide repertoire of emotions – so everyone can put words to how they are feeling, feel safe to feel what they are feeling, and know how to navigate their emotions without hurting others (or having to repress feelings).

Remind yourself that it’s okay to be human, not know what to say, and make mistakes. Use these as opportunities to learn and grow more, and to show yourself and others compassion.

This is a lot, and there’s always more we can be doing to be a stand for love, peace, and change inside and outside of our homes. The truth? I’m still feeling my way through this list, doing my best and learning as I go. Pick one thing and start with that, and remember to make this process your own because it will look different for everyone.

Being a Force for Good & a Force for Love

Last night when I was tucking my son into bed I whispered “I love you” into his ear. He responded with “I love you. I love everyone in this house. I love everyone on the planet.”

What a different world this would be if everyone felt that way.

I’m lucky that we have the privilege of raising my son in an environment that is conducive to love. Many children are confronted with hate, discrimination, judgment, and violence from the second they are born so staying connected to love is difficult. The good news is, as Nelson Mandela points out in The Long Walk to Freedom, our human nature is to love:

“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”

This means that at any point anyone can choose love over separation in their hearts, homes, and world. Regardless of what our culture, religion, parents, or past experiences taught us. We can also consciously choose which values we pass on to our children, and it is our responsibility to question and choose wisely.

I choose to the best of my ability to create an environment where my son can stay connected to love and be a stand against hate.

What do you choose? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.