Giving is a key health and happiness-promoting habit backed by a large and growing body of research. As I sit here ready to geek out on the importance of giving, my mind keeps getting distracted by my nails – each one lovingly painted a different color by a new little friend I made while volunteering at a local child and youth care center.

As I gaze at my rainbow hands, I’m feeling called to write about another favorite subject of mine instead: Receiving. The truth is, most of the individuals I spend time with – in my personal life and in my business – are big time givers and the last thing they need is a reminder to  give more because they already give too much.

Besides, how often do you hear about the importance of receiving? I believe the art of receiving is as important to master as the art of giving, especially for those of us (raises hand) who have a history of being chronic over-givers. Here’s why – and how it took a cross-border ambulance ride for me to realize this. Plus, a meditation for receiving!

My Weak Left Hand and an Emergency Room Visit

At some point in my early childhood, my right hand – my doing and giving hand – became dominant and more powerful. I became a pro at doing things for others and giving. As the voice inside my head that whispered “I can do it all by myself” grew louder, my left hand – my allowing and receiving hand – got weaker.

As an adult, I was terrible at asking for support and receiving it. The first time I surrendered to receiving was because the universe literally forced me to. In 2006 I was evacuated cross-border by ambulance to a hospital emergency room in South Africa where I was hooked up to several beeping machines that kept me alive in the ICU.

For nearly two weeks I received non-stop support from medical professionals, medical devices, friends, and family. They fed, bathed, clothed, and loved me back to health. Needless to say, I emerged from the hospital a champion at requesting support and being open to receiving it.

Three Lessons I Learned About the Power of Receiving

1. We open ourselves up to opportunities we’d miss doing everything on our own. Recovery was rough because I was still suffering from acute stomach cramps. I couldn’t drive and a man I’d only met once before volunteered to drive me 3 hours (!) to an appointment. He held doors open for me, carried my purse, and held my hand to support me as I struggled to walk. He is now my husband.

2. We build connection and deepen relationships. In hospital and recovery I became closer with those around me. In part it was because I allowed myself to be vulnerable and not have everything “together” – to be human and need help.  At one point my roommate even bathed me with a sponge. That’s love.

3. Giving flows naturally and more authentically. I became more grateful for the relationships in my life and more willing to genuinely want to support others in times of need.  Since then my mother, husband, and sister have been hospitalized and bed-ridden. Not once did I feel like it was a burden to cook any of them a meal, draw up a bath for them, or give them a massage because I knew how good it felt.

“Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart”

~Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

Three Problems with Being a “Giver”

1. Chronic giving is exhausting and disempowering. It’s what landed me in the hospital in the first place, with a depleted immune system, digestive tract, and adrenals – sleep and energy deprived. It took a few years, plus motherhood, for me to learn that I must receive to give. Also, over-giving is how most girls and women are socially and culturally programmed to be and this disconnects us from our power.

2.  Always giving without receiving is judgmental. By making giving and helping our default position in our relationships, we’re indirectly communicating to those around us that we don’t really need them (yet they always need us). What assumptions are we making subconsciously if this is how we relate with others? By being the rescuer we make others the victim.

3. Doing the give-and-take dance allows us to form reciprocal relationships, with humility. By asking for support and allowing others the opportunity to experience the gift of giving to us, we can form supportive relationships based compassion, respect, and the shared desire to give and receive. It also allows us to notice and walk away from one-sided relationships where we’re being taken advantage of.

“Our human compassion binds us the one to the other – not in pity or patronisingly, but as human beings.  

~ Nelson Mandela

At the children’s center, my new friend received a meal, crafts, and new clothing. She also gave me many reasons to smile and a manicure which she touched up with great care, added glitter to with great enthusiasm, and admired with great pride. I gave my time, energy, and presence while receiving rainbow hands that are making me smile days later.

We often take for granted that those we give to can also give to us. For those of us in the giving, helping, mothering, and caring professions, this also rings true. Engaging from a place of mutual respect, kindness, and deep knowing that we are all the same, capable, and can contribute to each other is a very different interaction than from a place based on pity or obligation.

We also often take for granted the blessings and support available to us from ourselves, others, and the universe if we simply take a moment to pause and receive them.

A Meditation for Receiving with Gratitude

For many of us, asking for support and receiving it can feel like admitting to weakness and triggers shame or guilt. Cultivating our ability to ask for and receive support openly and with gratitude – from others and from the universe – amplifies connection, compassion, and the experience of fulfilment and abundance. 

They key is to balance giving and receiving. Here’s a beautiful 3 minute meditation to support you to do this and to open up to receiving support, wisdom and blessings in your life with an open and grateful heart. 

To receiving in gratitude,

x Catarina